areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
