he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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