Duck Duck Cougar?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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