my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
