He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
