Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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