i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
