Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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