doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
