I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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