I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
