My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
