Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize