I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
