so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
