Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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