She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
