"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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