Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
