BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
