i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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