3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
