so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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