Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
