We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
