If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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