Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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