if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
