And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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