what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
