I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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