I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
