I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
