I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
