glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize