I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
