my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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