How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Randomize
