It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
