New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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