My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
