There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
is that a dick in a sweater?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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