I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
