I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
