I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
