Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
