yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
