i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
