I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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