We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
