One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
