I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
