Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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