Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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