This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
