i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
