I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
