he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
