I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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