the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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