Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
