maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
