Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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