so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
