Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
