you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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