She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
