I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
