I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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