the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
