i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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