I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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