remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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