You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
