She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We are two peas in an std pod
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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