Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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