HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
