your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
