her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she peed on how many people?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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