his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize