it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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