I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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