I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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