we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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