How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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