you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
