I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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