Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
