woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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