When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
