finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
