the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
