Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
