you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
