Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
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