Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
