Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
