My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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