took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
