If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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