wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
