I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
