don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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