did you get engaged???
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
