Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
