matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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